you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
