i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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