you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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