i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
