i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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