don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize