So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
