Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
