She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He has the fingertips of a God
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