Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
