I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
