i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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