Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
