from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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