I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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