I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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