you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize