My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
