I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
