Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
