Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
