Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
