I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
