Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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