Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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