So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
