Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Houston, we have a blender
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
