...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize