You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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