I wanna bring you to show and tell
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
