That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize