dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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