I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
