Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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