totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
