i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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