Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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