I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
