you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
