yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
