walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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