awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
