I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
