I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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