my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
