i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
FUCK WHALES
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
