You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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