Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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