okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
