btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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