i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
barbara walters just said penis...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
