I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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