btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
