I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
