somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Randomize