Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
