Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
