my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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