i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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