Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
