I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
