Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
