I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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