Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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