Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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