I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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