I must be too annoying 4 u.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize