Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
