Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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