The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
