So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
