am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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