You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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