I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
