So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dick very happy bro
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
