You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
