i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
