Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
