I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
