When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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