btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
