im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize