i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
two words...techno handjob
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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