You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
