so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
