Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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