dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish you could order shots online.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
