Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize