You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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