wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
