your room smells of hookers.
And success
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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