Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he's single and there are thong briefs.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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