we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
