I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
