She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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