The best revenge is premature balding
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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